Are you tired of hearing seemingly harmless phrases that are actually toxic? It can be really disheartening, right?

These phrases often come as toxic positivity; they ruin our mental health, breed negativity and misunderstandings, perpetuate discrimination, and contribute to inequality.

The good news is we have the power to change that. To build an inclusive world where people feel safe to express their feelings and struggles, we must actively let go of these harmful statements. 

In this article, we'll uncover the truth behind toxic phrases and explore better ways to communicate and foster positive, compassionate, and empathetic connections.

With that in mind, here are seven toxic phrases we instantly need to stop using.

"This too shall pass”

Have you ever heard this during a tough time? Sometimes, people say this to make us feel better, but life isn’t always that simple. Struggles don't just magically disappear; some wounds leave lasting scars. Also, some wounds never fully heal; we just learn to live with them. These phrases can make one feel their struggles are being brushed aside. So what’s the solution? Psychologists at Psychology Today say that offering validation and support helps individuals navigate emotional challenges. Consider saying this, “I know you're going through a tough time. I'm here for you, and we'll get through this together."

“Some people are going through worse”

For real, let’s stop saying this. Comparing struggles is counterproductive. That someone else is going through something worse doesn't make another person’s pain easier to deal with. 

People have different thresholds of pain. What breaks one can be less painful to another and vice versa. Let’s acknowledge people’s experiences instead of invalidating them. 

"It is what it is”

I get it; sometimes, we use this phrase to acknowledge that some things are beyond our control. However, it can prevent meaningful conversations that could help us improve and find solutions. According to an article by Dr. Susan Grover, open and honest communication builds trust and helps us solve problems. She recommends having honest discussions and working together to overcome challenges. For example, you could say: “let’s explore this situation more and find a way to improve things.”

"It's all in your head"

When someone opens up about their struggles, and we respond with "It's all in your head," it can be hurtful. It makes one feel like their emotions don't matter. So what’s the solution? A study from the University of Derby Online Learning (UK) found that showing empathy and understanding can improve mental health. So, the next time someone shares their feelings, try this: "Your feelings are valid, and I'm here for you. Let’s address your concerns."

"You're too sensitive/emotional"

Have you ever been labeled as "too sensitive" for expressing your feelings? It can make you feel your emotions aren’t valid. However, being in touch with your emotions is a beautiful and natural part of being human. And that’s why it’s crucial to create a safe space where people feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings without judgment. We can do this by saying: "I appreciate your openness and vulnerability; your honest expression of emotions means a lot to me."

"You always,” "You never," or "You people always"

The truth is, things are not always so absolute. Lawrence Blum, a Philosophy Professor at the University of Massachusetts, Boston, explains that absolute claims and generalisations based on someone’s actions, race, or ethnicity lead to misunderstandings, stereotypes, and discrimination. So, if you catch yourself using these generalizations, pause for a moment and reconsider. This simple act can positively transform our interaction. In fact, Lawrence Blum recommends being more specific in our conversations. For example, we can say, "I've noticed that sometimes [specific behavior] happens.” This paves the way for mutual understanding and problem-solving.

“Stop asking if I’m okay. Everything is fine.” (When it isn’t.)

Have you ever used this phrase to mask your true feelings? You're not alone. But here's something interesting: An article by Harvard-trained psychologist Dr. Cortney S. Warren highlights that Passive-aggressive language keeps partners from talking about their problems directly and openly. This makes it difficult to resolve conflict and can make both parties feel insecure.

In place of that, you could try: “I’m really upset, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

The bottom line is we can create a more inclusive and compassionate world by offering support instead of dismissal, celebrating diversity without stereotypes, showing empathy for emotions, having open conversations without generalizations, and being honest about our feelings. 

Together, we can foster kindness, respect, and unity.

And it all begins with you and me. 

So, dear one, what phrases are you letting go of today?

Is there a particular phrase you'd love to see vanish completely? 

Let us know in the comment section.

References:

• Lawrence B. (2004). Stereotypes and Stereotyping: A Moral Analysis. Philosophical Papers, 33:3, 251-289. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1080/05568640409485143

• Cortney S.W. (2023). If you use any of these 8 toxic phrases, ‘your relationship is in trouble. Retrieved from https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/13/harvard-trained-psychologist-toxic-phrases-that-can-slowly-destroy-your-relationship-or-marriage.html

• Psychology Today (2022). Psychological and Physiological Power of Validation. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/raising-mindful-kids/202202/psychological-and-physiological-power-validation

• Grover S.M. (2005). Shaping effective communication skills and therapeutic relationships at work. The Foundation of collaboration journal, 53(4):177-82. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15853294/

• Pitts M. J. (2019). The Language and Social Psychology of Savoring: Advancing the Communication Savoring Model. Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 38(2), 237–259. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1177/0261927X18821404

• Yasuhiro K., Pauline G., & David S. (2021). Mental health of therapeutic students: relationships with attitudes, self-criticism, self-compassion, and caregiver identity. British Journal of Guidance & Counselling, 49:5, 701-712. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1080/03069885.2019.1704683