How to handle toxic people and protect your mental health

Toxic people won’t avoid you; it is totally up to you to avoid them.

Photo by Antoni Shkraba

If toxic relationships, draining jobs, or challenging colleagues have been impacting your mental well-being, it's time to liberate yourself and take back control of your happiness.

And there is only one way to achieve this: self-love.

But what does self-love truly mean?

1. Boundaries

2. Self-care

3. Letting go.

Let’s explore each of them in detail.

1. Set Clear Boundaries.

Fortify your mental castle.

Without boundaries, you’re completely vulnerable. Anyone can invade your mental castle and sow toxic seeds (attitude, behavior, thoughts, emotions, information).

According to Dr. Allison Niebes-Davis, a licensed clinical psychologist, boundaries are limits that you set to protect yourself.

It simply means clearly defining what behaviours you won't tolerate and assertively saying "NO" to harmful actions or requests.

Sometimes, all toxic people need to realise is that you’re aware of your self-worth and you love yourself.

Here are 11 practical ways to set healthy boundaries (physical, emotional, or behavioural):

1. Avoid discussions that lead to arguments/conflicts.

2. Don’t engage in gossip or negative talk about others.

3. Limit your interactions with toxic people. You can't change a toxic person by continuously giving them your time and energy. 

4. Protect your personal space; don’t let them touch you without consent.

5. Stand up against any physical or verbal abuse.

6. Say ‘no’ to invitations that go against your values.

7. Respectfully decline requests for favours you're uncomfortable with or that are outside your capacity.

8. Avoid events where the toxic person will be for your safety and inner peace.

9. Request respectful and calm communication; stop talking if it turns aggressive or disrespectful.

10. Block them on social media to stop online stalking or harassment.

11. Enforce consequences for crossing boundaries, like cutting off contact or ending the relationship.

Tip 💡: Express your feelings and needs assertively with "I" statements, like "I feel uncomfortable when you speak to me in that tone" or "I need personal space and would appreciate your respect."

2. Practice Self-care; Make it a Priority!

Do things that make you happy, fulfilled, and help you unwind.

Having a self-care routine has been clinically proven to impact well-being positively. 

Try these 6 positive activities today:

1. Journaling: Write your thoughts and feelings. It helps you process them, gain clarity, and release negativity.

2. Boost your creative spirit: Paint, draw, write, dance, sing, play an instrument, or engage in any art you enjoy. 

3. Surround yourself with positive, caring, and supportive people who uplift your spirit.

4. Take breaks from social media: Disconnect from negativity, recharge, connect with nature, and relax regularly.

5. Research has shown that mindfulness benefits mental health. Practices like deep breathing, guided meditation, or yoga can help manage stress, anxiety, and the impact of toxic interactions. 

6. Seek professional support, such as therapy or counselling, for expert guidance and support.

Now! What happens when self-care isn't enough? 

Sometimes, the toxicity becomes overwhelming, necessitating a more drastic action.

3. Let go: Limit or cut off contact

This can be tough because we often cling to the hope that toxic individuals will change or that we can endure their behavior. However, it's important to prioritise your mental health and distance yourself from individuals who destroy it.

One of the greatest act of self-love is saying goodbye to those who bring you harm.

Now, if maintaining contact with the person is unavoidable, seeking support from a mental health professional becomes necessary. 

Remember, therapists are trained to empower minds for positive actions, assist in navigating tough situations, and provide compassionate, judgment-free support.

Final Thoughts

Taking action to protect your mental health and regain control of your happiness is NECESSARY. 

Setting clear boundaries is the first step and practising self-care is nourishment for your soul. As a drastic measure, limit or cut off contact with toxic people.

This is proof of self-love. 

Take a moment to reflect on your situation. Commit to taking action by applying these strategies to handle the toxic people in your life.

Always remember: You deserve to be around people who love you, uplift and support you.

So! What steps will you take today?

References:

• Glowiak, M.V. (2020, Apr 14). What is self-care, and why is it important for you? Southern New Hampshire University. https://www.snhu.edu/about-us/newsroom/health/what-is-self-care

• Niebes-Davis, A. (Feb 2017). What No One Will Tell You About Boundaries. A Psychologist Keeps It Real. Dr Allison Answers. https://drallisonanswers.com/relationships/what-no-one-will-tell-you-about-boundaries-a-psychologist-keeps-it-real/

• Zollars, I., Poirier, T. I., & Pailden, J. (Oct 2019). Effects of mindfulness meditation on mindfulness, mental well-being, and perceived stress. Currents in Pharmacy Teaching and Learning, 11(10), 1022-1028. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cptl.2019.06.005